Well, my world came crashing down recently when I made a choice to delve deeper into what has been causing P's recurrent cough of 5 flipping years. An unofficial diagnosis of 'It's probably asthma', from my doctor wasn't good enough, and that's all they were offering me.
My 12 year old brother gets extreme migraines and my mother recently took him to a Naturopath to see what options they had. They suggested what is basically a super allergy test. You won't die from consuming foods, but you may have a sensitivity which can affect your mood, sleep and overall health. With hope for a cough-less future, I booked an appointment.
I knew this wouldn't be easy, and to be honest, it turned out to be a lot of things I could have guessed were an issue. Dairy is a cough's worst nightmare so it went out the window. P's Aunt is deathly allergic to peanuts and P showed a sensitivity, so we will now buy Wow Butter. Corn; OK, so no popcorn, cornstarch, corn flour & corn syrup. Sulfites... Now I'm back in 12th grade Chemistry. Egg whites?! See ya later, cake! Food colourants!? Oh dear... I'd already packed her lunch, which she ate on the drive home while saying a tearful goodbye to her Fruit Roll Up. Once you cry to a Fruit Roll Up, I think you've hit 5 year old rock bottom.
Dairy was simple to remove. "Honey, you know goats? They make milk too. Plus, there's almond milk." Her response: "Almonds don't have boobs, Mom." Goat milk it will be then, kid. I've also been banned from saying the word 'goatgurt'.
Corn's literally in everything. Those kernels got together on that cob and were like "Hey Jim, let's be delicious, gluten free, and extremely versatile!", "Yeah Bob, that's a great idea!" Fuck you Jim and Bob. I've been holding off going to the movies until it's winter so I can shove P's coat full of approved snacks to sneak in.
I'm not commenting on the egg situation. I have PTSD after a failed egg-less waffle attempt which I can no longer talk about without wine and/or Valium.
I honestly thought the sulfite issue would be more of a pain in the ass, but apparently I don't let her eat as much additive filled shit-food as I initially anticipated.
Long story short, I know it's a good thing, but I feel like the worlds worst mom. When you're at the grocery store and you gladly declare that you're too broke to buy that Kinder Egg rather than remind your kid she can't have milk chocolate it's horrible. It's been a week. I'm almost expecting to find tally marks scratched into the pantry door from P when she stares longingly into it, hoping to find something riddled with Red Dye #40. explaining to a 5 year old that Mommy get's a Reese's Blizzard because Mommy just did leg day and within that hour after is the only time Mommy can eat it just doesn't fly.
That being said, I've turned into this crazy-awesome mom who packs bento box lunches containing home-made Wow Butter balls, heart-shaped sandwiches, and plain goatgurt flavoured with organic honey. I'm that mom now. The one that sends the homemade cupcakes not the 2 bags of Twizzlers on snack day. Soon I'll be making DIY Christmas presents for teachers instead of Tim's cards. HAHAHA! No. It will never get to that point.
