This One Time When Life Happened...

This was actually my face remembering what my blog looked like. View image | gettyimages.com

Welp, my blog really fell off the deep end in the last few months. 

What went wrong? Life. Well, not necessarily wrong, it just happened. In the midst of balancing the multiple hats I wear as a mom, (Can I get an Amen?) my baby blog I was nurturing fell to the wayside and died like my Tamagotchi in 4th grade. 

Hopefully now that things have seemed to level out as best they ever will, I can get back to this because sharing the stories of my daughters tantrums & poop to the whole world is of great importance to me. It's literally shit the world needs to know about. I'm punny, I know.

Basically, here's everything else I did to avoid folding laundry in the past 5 months:

New house!

We moved! And did we ever! After a 2 month disaster of boxes, purging and packing we got it done. When you move there are certain expectations. You lift this box, I pay you with pizza and beer. You drink 5 cases of beer, you clean up your vomit. Give and take, ladies and gents!

School's out for the summer

I long for the days when the end of June meant freedom. Now it requires planning of who has what kid which week and where. Topped off by "I owe how much for childcare?!". Being an adult rocks, guys.

Adios, fat pants!

This seriously needed to happen. The days of my metabolism being my friend are behind me. I decided to meet with my trainer and fat loss coach who is amazing to reduce the jiggle. 6 weeks in and I'm down 10 lbs and a pant size. This resulted in compliments from the hubby, jeans that fit like shit and a 1 time loss of bathing suit bottoms in a public pool. 

My kid can't eat anything.

In addition to me removing delicious processed foods crap from my diet, I investigated further into some of P's health concerns. I did this with a Naturopath doctor as my MD wasn't being helpful. Turns out she basically can eat meat and veggies. I've turned into someone i don't know who packs bento lunches with heart shaped sandwiches and makes "allergy-free protein balls" WTF.

Boat life

My husband bought a boat. It sat in our driveway. One bright and sunny evening we took it out on a small, local lake, only to discover there was something wrong with the engine which left us stranded in the middle of said lake. We sold the boat.

Obviously meltdown were had, arguments were won (by me), and toys were chewed by the dog, but that's for another day. I promise I'll stick around this time! 

Moms Don't Get Sick

View image | gettyimages.com

Last week I had a ridiculous idea that I was still young enough to handle drinking an excessive amount of everything for my 25th birthday. This act of extreme stupidity was followed up with a skating competition for P 12 hours later. I mean, yay for silver, but my head hurt! By that night, the throat pain had set in. The demon that is throat pain. Is it strep? Should I sterilize the house and quarantine myself? No, I just have an I'm-almost-30 hangover. This was followed by the realization that I was actually getting sick.

2 days later I woke up to realize my eyes were like marshmallows with slits to see out of. I sounded like a 14 year old boy going through puberty, and I was freezing. I called in to work and asked my "husband" to take P to school. Then I took some pills, put on some Netflix, and rested all day. HAHAHA! I.Wish.

I actually flopped my freezing cold self into the bathroom with the worst vertigo of my life. I was stumbling like a college freshman at frosh week. I slapped on a robe, some fleecy pants, and shivered my way to the kitchen. There, I made coffee and tried to assemble the best lunch I could for P. Oh what's that? Follow the Canadian Food Guide & have a no trash lunch? Not today school, not today.

Then the challenge came of clothing, grooming and feeding the beast P. She's like a teenager in the morning so that was a blast. She had Rice Crispies with "Lots of sugar!" because, you're going to school, so who cares at this point! I got a kiss goodbye and retreated to my bed. For 15 minutes.

Moms can't get sick. I would have to be hospitalized to not have the nagging feeling I should be doing something. So 15 minutes into my Glee marathon, I started folding laundry. Not just one load either. This was the laundry that had been piling up, creating a mountain of laundry shame in my bedroom. Mount You Suck At Life. 

At about noon, a wave of exhaustion hit me. I was sick, so napping was really what I needed. But there was more laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuumi-Shut the fuck up brain! It's nap time! Then the texts started. "Are you ok?" Nope. "Do you know where this random object is at work?" Nope. "Can you call me?" Hells to the nope. Can't a girl get some nappy time? At this point I wanted to suck my thumb and cry like an over tired 18 month old.

Finally, I passed out. I didn't drift away into a sleepy abyss, awakening to the sound of birds chirping, and stretching as I realized I felt better. I passed out from my feverish exhaustion, only to wake up in a puddle of sweat, facing the realization that I smelled like hell, and needed to shower before getting P from school. After retrieving P, I suffered through her homework, made us some soup, and convinced her a movie date in Mom's bed was the best idea EVER. 

I don't get sick. I don't get the flu, or a cold and the world stops. The show must go on and apparently I'm the star. I'm on day 6 of this death-cold/fluish thing I've contracted, and I've kept it together. Sunday may just be the day this mom quits for 12 8 4 2 0 hours. Screw it, I'm always on duty.

7 Things the Person Servicing Your Vehicle Wants You To Know

Besides being a mom and taking on the multiple different roles that come with that, which I'm fairly certain I'm completely unqualified for, I'm also a Service Manager at a dealership.
After working here for 2 years I was thrown into this role with no previous experience in the service area. I have management experience and a ton of customer service experience so I rely mainly on that and ask my technicians a lot of questions.

In the past 2 years I have endured more screaming, name calling, crying and complete grown up hissy fits that put the terrible-two's to shame. I have also accepted donuts, coffee, thank yous, hugs and the occasional liquor store gift card. Yesterday was a day that included none of the latter.

I went home, popped a bottle of wine and was thankful that the day was over. Then I decided to make this list. If you're dealing with a larger shop with Service Advisors, or a mom and pop shop where you deal directly with the technician, please, please PLEASE keep this in mind!

1. Maintaining your vehicle is not an inconvenience. This is a thing that you have to do to ensure you don't have problems with your car down the road. (Kind of punny). You go to your doctor for a yearly physical, you take your dog to the vet. Please don't act like it's the end of your life because you have to sit in a leather chair, drink free coffee and watch TV beside a fireplace for an hour while we make sure your car is safe to drive.

2. Don't skip out on manufacturer recommended maintenance. I'm sorry if whoever sold you your car didn't explain this to you.  Maintenance includes more than changing your oil and filter when the light comes on and tells you to. Where I work, we go with a 6 months or 8,000km (Canadian, sorry..eh) schedule that includes a tire rotation, brake inspection and a full check over. At certain mileage intervals we replace your air filter, pollen filter, change your transmission fluid etc... These are important. Please do them. If you don't service your transmission, don't complain when you're warranty has expired and I quote you $5,000 to rebuild your transmission. Preventative maintenance.

3. Don't act like I'm stealing from you. When we try to up sell you a filter, brakes, or wiper blades it's because you need them. That $40 pollen filter that's clogged up with dust, dead skin & hair is filtering the air you breathe in your car. The $400 brake job I'm telling you you require is ensuring that when someone slams on their brakes you don't end up in their trunk. I'm trying to help you, not rob you.

4. Diagnosis costs money. You told us that your vehicle is running rough and has a lack of power. We charged you for 1 hour and told you you need to replace your spark plugs. What we actually did was test drive your vehicle to verify the concern using diagnostic equipment that reads the data from your vehicles computer. The software and equipment we use is worth thousands of dollars. We then pin pointed what was causing the concern, verified it against workshop manuals and manufacturer recommendations, priced the parts, verified the labour times & created a quote. 

5. We get paid by what we do. Service Advisors & Managers are paid either hourly or salaried and yes, we are given bonuses based on sales because it's a job. Most technicians are paid "flat rate". That means that if diagnosing why your engine light is on paid 1 hour and it took them 1.5, they got paid for 1 hour. When you complain about a charge for something they took their time to complete, you're telling them they just worked for free.

6. If I make you sign a waiver because your vehicle is unsafe I'm not trying to be a bitch. I once had a van in my shop that had basketball sized holes on the rear wheel wells. The only thing keeping the passengers in was the interior trim panel. The 3rd row seat wasn't fastened down because the latches were where the holes were now. There was car seats and booster seats in those seats. I explained this to the customer who got extremely frustrated and said they were going to continue driving anyway. I have to protect myself and my place of work so I made the customer sign a waiver. I still pray I never hear of a child falling out of a hole or being slingshot through a windshield because a seat wasn't latched. 

7. Don't yell at me. As a manager I realize I get the brunt of peoples frustrations. I'm the one you ask for when you think my Advisors are being difficult. They're actually trying to resolve the situation themselves with what they are permitted to do without authorization. I get it all. You can be frustrated but you don't need to yell. You don't need to call me names. Chances are you're not the first person to yell at me that day. If you're the fourth in one day you're not going to get anywhere with me. I am a human, I have feelings and some people have left me in tears because I quoted them $1,000 to ensure their family is safe in their vehicle, or a $50 part is past is warranty period. 

At the end of the day, just treat people how you want to be treated. Sometimes life requires you to open your ears, shut your mouth, and take in some information you may not want to hear. We're here to keep you and your family safe when you get in your car and try to make the costs of owning a vehicle as little as possible for repairs. And if you choose to be an ass, I've heard it all and no one can out-ass me!