My Name is Joycelyn and I'm a Vaxxer.

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I'm about to abandon my funny, lighthearted posts to touch on something a bit more controversial. I've read so many opinions, and seen so many posts regarding vaccinations after the recent measles breakout. Now, before you go saying "Oh great, it's another post bashing "vaxxers" or "anti-vaxxers", this is how I see it and I don't mean it to be offensive to anyone. It's my opinion, I'm entitled to it, and It's impossible for me not to say something.

I'm a "vaxxer". Duh, duh, duh. I was vaccinated on time, so was my brother, and so was my daughter. I can't think of any one I know that was not vaccinated. It wasn't even a choice for me. The doctor told me when the appointment was, and I showed up. No questions asked. 

With all of these outbreaks, I see a clear line of division forming between parents that have all of the same goals in mind; Protecting our children. I see vaxxers pointing fingers at anti-vaxxers for the outbreaks. Yes, I have said things about anti-vaxxers. Yes, I have pointed fingers in blame for the outbreak. You know what I realized? I'm scared. I'm terrified that I had my child vaccinated and did everything I could to make sure these horrible, almost eradicated diseases didn't harm my baby. The anti-vaxxers are terrified too. They are scared that the man-made, mercury-ridden material getting injected into their children may be harmful. 

So who's right? Studies show that the chances of complications from vaccines are slim to none. Any studies linking vaccinations to autism have been proven incorrect. I understand that some parents still do not want to take the risk, but think about it. Do you know any kids or adults that fall into the autism spectrum? I do, and they range from high functioning, to developmentally delayed. Even if it's a one in a million chance that your child would become autistic, would that be worse than a much greater chance of them contracting a preventable disease, and possibly dying?

I spent some time researching the ins and outs of these preventable diseases and their complications. Polio can cause long tern muscle weakness and deformities. When you get the Mumps, your salivary glands swell to an unreal size. Painful, testicular swelling can occur, also. Measles is a rash, accompanied by a high fever. My mother had measles THREE TIMES & Rubella, or German Measles, twice. Yes, it can happen. She was 4 when the doctor did a house call and told my Grandmother that my mom most likely wouldn't make it. Not something I want to experience, let alone willingly, put my kids at risk for. I was given the choice to vaccinate my daughter against Varicella, the Chickenpox. This was before it became mandatory in Ontario schools. I'm young enough to remember having these. Do you remember them? They fucking sucked. A chance to have my child avoid this, or have a less severe case? Sign me up! Why are we questioning this?

Have measles been gone so long that we forgot how horrible they are? No, they're not Ebola. (Don't get me going on Ebola...) You will most likely survive. But guess who died from them the most in the past? Children under the age of 5. 2.6 million people per year before 1980. These are the same young children we're trying to protect by not vaccinating them. See where I'm going with this? There are countries that have not decreased or eradicated these diseases the way we have, that see the damage they can cause everyday. These people would give anything to have the health care system that we do, and to have access to vaccinations and treatments. Did we come this far only to regress to the state of a developing country?

Frankly, I'm scared. Even though my child is vaccinated, I send her everyday to a germ infested school, where she mingles with every germ possible, and shares her germs with other kids. Building the immune system, sure, but what happens when it's something worse? My kid, who I've vaccinated against these diseases, shouldn't live in a bubble in fear. Oh but she's vaccinated, she'll be fine. It's the anti-vaxxers who are the only ones at risk. Someone said this the other day and I was infuriated. Vaccinations are not 100%. If I come down with a cold, and come in contact with someone infected with the measles, I'm at a higher risk. Young babies, too young to be vaccinated are at a high risk as they don't have an active immune system. People that have weakened immune systems from cancer and other diseases are the ones being put at risk. 

While I think it's amazing how some parents take the time to make sure there are no harmful chemicals in their laundry soap, use lemons to clean their houses, and will only buy non-GMO veggies, where do you draw the line? Toxins are everywhere. A can of tuna will make you glow in the dark before an MMR shot will. I read somewhere that we are slowly poisoning our kids. Well guess what? How many kids died before these vaccination were available? How many times do you hop into your car to drive 2 blocks, shooting harmful fumes into the atmosphere? They say it's mostly middle to upper class families taking on the anti-vaxer mentality. Do they wear expensive perfume? Hairspray? Lotions? Take trips on planes? A vaccination is the last thing we need to worry about. 

I'm not asking you to take your kid to Chernobyl and expose them to dangerous levels of radiation. I'm asking you to help protect them, they way I tried to protect mine, which is now compromised because of misinformation. Obviously, these diseases were bad enough for scientists to develop a way to prevent them. I count myself as lucky that I didn't have to live through them being a common childhood occurrence and I don't want to witness a time when they become that again. Are all of these millennial parents too young to know what can happen? Maybe a severe outbreak is what we need to remind us how devastating these diseases can be. That's what it's coming down to and it's only going to get worse.

At the end of it all, it's our choice as parents if we grow our own veggies, or feed our kids hot dogs and Kraft Dinner. Some people will hate me for my opinion and that's fine. If you get your panties in a bunch easily, you probably shouldn't be reading my blog, anyway. If you are a naturalist and actually practice a completely natural, chemical free life, then I respect you and your choices. If you eat at McDonalds and won't vaccinate your kids, you're misinformed and need to reevaluate your priorities.

**Check this website. If you think the government is conspiring to kill you, then don't. That link will take you to the CDC's page for vaccinations. More specifically, reactions to them. Scientific results from actual tests. Not made up bullshit, silver spoon fed to the over privileged.

Don't be Sorry for Asking Me What Colour Your Baby's Poop Should Be

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One of my best friends, who recently became a mother, shared a post from Scary Mommy titled To My Friends Who Became Mothers Before Me. Seriously, go read this. If you were the first of your friends to take the jump, or if you're still living it up in your freedom years while we pick boogers at 2 am, you need to read this. 

My friend that shared this post, apologized for asking so many random, strange questions in her 6 months of motherhood and the 9 10 months of pregnancy before that.

This particular friend just fed her daughter carrots for the first time a couple of weeks ago, and asked me if orange poop was normal, then apologized. You should never be sorry for asking questions when it comes to your kids. I'm not a medical professional, but the relation between carrots and orange poop make sense. For a first time mom, a sneeze can be concerning. Sometimes, you just need that sounding board.

When I asked why she asks me for help, she said "You're such a great mom so I think you'll have all of the answers." Wow. Let that bad boy sink in for a minute. This isn't a stranger on the street that sees my business card, put together outfit, and complete makeup. This is someone who has seen me puke on my shoes at 3 am. Who's seen me hysterical over some loser breaking up with me. She's seen me in my pj's at dinner time, with frizzy hair and a spit up accent on my 3 day old shirt. She thinks I'm doing okay? 

I've always wondered, why me? I don't know what I'm doing all of the time. I put diapers on backwards for the first 2 days of P's life. I boiled bottles so long that they fused together. Because of a one time, over microwaving formula incident, I think I should be exempt from answering questions. 

Those are my insecurities. I felt like I failed the day I couldn't figure out why P was crying, so I walked away to cool down. In hindsight, it was probably the best choice. I focus on the negative. To my friends, they see me helping read a book from across the room while I cook dinner, do dishes, and don't have to move to break up an altercation. We don't see ourselves as superheros but we are in our own ways.

We have so many societal pressures to be the soft spoken, kid orientated, neat freak, super model mothers of perfection, that we forget that our kids being fed, clothed, clean and on time is a huge accomplishment. We beat ourselves up way too much over split second decisions that we think define us as parents, when really, those are the moments that help us learn.

Don't say sorry for asking your mom friends questions. We may have the answer, and sometimes we may not. You're reminding us that we're doing okay, and that's nothing to be sorry for.

Moms Don't Get Sick

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Last week I had a ridiculous idea that I was still young enough to handle drinking an excessive amount of everything for my 25th birthday. This act of extreme stupidity was followed up with a skating competition for P 12 hours later. I mean, yay for silver, but my head hurt! By that night, the throat pain had set in. The demon that is throat pain. Is it strep? Should I sterilize the house and quarantine myself? No, I just have an I'm-almost-30 hangover. This was followed by the realization that I was actually getting sick.

2 days later I woke up to realize my eyes were like marshmallows with slits to see out of. I sounded like a 14 year old boy going through puberty, and I was freezing. I called in to work and asked my "husband" to take P to school. Then I took some pills, put on some Netflix, and rested all day. HAHAHA! I.Wish.

I actually flopped my freezing cold self into the bathroom with the worst vertigo of my life. I was stumbling like a college freshman at frosh week. I slapped on a robe, some fleecy pants, and shivered my way to the kitchen. There, I made coffee and tried to assemble the best lunch I could for P. Oh what's that? Follow the Canadian Food Guide & have a no trash lunch? Not today school, not today.

Then the challenge came of clothing, grooming and feeding the beast P. She's like a teenager in the morning so that was a blast. She had Rice Crispies with "Lots of sugar!" because, you're going to school, so who cares at this point! I got a kiss goodbye and retreated to my bed. For 15 minutes.

Moms can't get sick. I would have to be hospitalized to not have the nagging feeling I should be doing something. So 15 minutes into my Glee marathon, I started folding laundry. Not just one load either. This was the laundry that had been piling up, creating a mountain of laundry shame in my bedroom. Mount You Suck At Life. 

At about noon, a wave of exhaustion hit me. I was sick, so napping was really what I needed. But there was more laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuumi-Shut the fuck up brain! It's nap time! Then the texts started. "Are you ok?" Nope. "Do you know where this random object is at work?" Nope. "Can you call me?" Hells to the nope. Can't a girl get some nappy time? At this point I wanted to suck my thumb and cry like an over tired 18 month old.

Finally, I passed out. I didn't drift away into a sleepy abyss, awakening to the sound of birds chirping, and stretching as I realized I felt better. I passed out from my feverish exhaustion, only to wake up in a puddle of sweat, facing the realization that I smelled like hell, and needed to shower before getting P from school. After retrieving P, I suffered through her homework, made us some soup, and convinced her a movie date in Mom's bed was the best idea EVER. 

I don't get sick. I don't get the flu, or a cold and the world stops. The show must go on and apparently I'm the star. I'm on day 6 of this death-cold/fluish thing I've contracted, and I've kept it together. Sunday may just be the day this mom quits for 12 8 4 2 0 hours. Screw it, I'm always on duty.

Sex Ed: Brought to you by my Mom

My mom and I are close. Not ask for cooking tips close, I mean describe your poop close. The things we talk about should never be discussed between mother and daughter. There was a time where she left 3 voice mails and when I finally returned her call, yelled at me because she obviously thought I was dead. After trying to reason over her yelling, I just gave up and yelled "I was getting laid, Mom!" Her response? "Well you should have answered the phone!" No Mom, I should not have.

There's been a few moments in my life where I've questioned our activities, conversations and thoughts that should have stayed in our heads. I know she means well, but sometimes its terrifyingly funny.

The time we saw Scary Movie. I was 10. My poor mom had so much explaining to do as to why the girl was stuck to the ceiling. What is that white stuff? I don't know if it was worse for her or me after she realized how much of that movie I actually understood.

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? Ah, Lady Marmalade and 11 year old impressionable me. As any typical 11 year old girl, I was obsessed with Christina Aguilera so this song became part of an everyday karaoke routine in my room. When I asked what they were saying in that iconic, French question, my mom told me the truth. Doesn't she know lying is rule #1!

The condom lesson. Most people are shown with a banana. Not me. First of all, we thought we got shot in the car on the way home from grocery shopping. The tube of hot dog wrap pastry exploded out one end of the tube with a bang like you've never heard. Turns out, it looked like a mushroom and my mom thought Hey, why waste this wiener wrap...OH.MY.GOD. Wiener wrap! The worst lesson of my life was concluded by "And if it's ever this big...Run."

First Blood. Yes I called it that! This happened when I was 10, the day of my friends pool party. My mom handled it well until the following day in a busy Coffee Time when she was on the other side of the bathroom door asking me to describe the situation like some ink blot test. 

The big... What? Yep folks, the big game. My mom ruined the Super Bowl. I was never into sports and neither was she. So I was slightly concerned for her health one year when she was watching the same thing as everyone else in America and most of Canada. But in her sweet, mom voice, she said "Come sit with me, come watch football." When I was reluctant because it wasn't half time yet, she said "Fit men. Tight pants. Sit." I have never seen my mom that quiet.

I'm so Thad this show's over!

Take your fucking pill! I was about 17 and had reached a level of intoxication that I probably should have received medical attention for. It was around 4 in the morning when I stumbled into my room. My mom came came flying in screaming asking if I took my pill. I didn't even know where my bed was, let alone a pill the size of the head of a nail. She found my birth control, popped out the forgotten pill, and shoved it in my mouth and held it shut. She dog-dosed me. Drunk me spat the pill across the room and by some miracle, she found the now hairy pill and dog-dosed me a second time. In hindsight, thanks, Mom.

2 Pink Lines. I phoned my mom in complete panic at 19 years old, and in an eerily calm voice said "There's 2 pink lines. There's never been 2 before." Her response was epic. "Go to the store, get 2 tests that are different from each other, and different from the one you already peed on. Pee on those, then call me and give me grey hair." Then she hung up. 

Your vagina was that big, too! My loving, caring mother likes to remind me what "changes" occurred while I was giving birth. Jokes on her because she seems to to have forgotten that 13 year old me was her labour coach. Mean Girls references for days!

"I can't help it if I have a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!"