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| I don't regularly let P wear makeup. This was a boring Sunday. |
One day I actually thought about what comes out of my mouth and how ridiculous this crap is that gets passed down generation to generation. These are my favourite things to yell.
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out!" No we won't. It's a nice threat but we puked way too much and pushed way too hard to bring them into the world. Plus we actually love them and would never harm them. On that note, can I go to jail for saying this to my kids?
"Because I said so." If your boss said this you'd ask for an actual reason. If your husband said this you'd be like "Ugh! cave woman obey cave man" very sarcastically. But as a mother, this is like saying "fine" to a man.
"I'm counting to 5!" This was way more threatening when I was a kid and a spank now and again was OK. My mom would blow the suspense (because she didn't want to have to take it that far) by resorting to saying "4! 4 & 1/4! 4 & 1/2! 4 & 3/4! Don't make me say 5!" Well that ruined it.
"I hope your kids are just like you!" My mother-in-law told me that her response to her mom was "Well yeah, I'm awesome" which is equivalent to the time my mom put soap in my mouth so I licked my teeth and said "yum".
"If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you too?" At least I'd be smart enough to not go first!
"I'll give you something to cry about!" Another one that was a lot more effective with corporal punishment. When your 4 year old is screaming because you told them they can't have a $40 toy that they saw 2 weeks before their birthday, it makes you feel better to yell this in Wal-Mart.
"Your face is going to stay like that" Our mothers were liars and so are we. Congratulations. We just hate seeing these cute, little humans that we made walk around looking ridiculous with their tongues hanging out.
"What part of NO don't you understand?" We knew, and they know what no means. They just don't give a shit until you start counting.
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