Mario Madness

I've come to determine that Santa was an idiot this year. Between sparkly Elsa gloves, table hockey with some assembly required & a Wii U, Santa sucks. As it turns out, some of Nintendo's classics have changed. It's fucking hard now.

P doesn't, well, have the best hand eye coordination I've ever seen. I'm not much better. But somehow, this almost 5 year old has conned me into playing Super Mario World for the past 3 weeks. Once she realized the game isn't easy, she asked for help. At that point she realized that mom can play a little bit better than the dog, so that would have to do.

I have cursed more than I thought possible, which I never thought was possible. Every time that stupid, blond, pink dress wearing princess floats into a lake of lava I let out a fuck that rattles the airplanes flying over my house. 

I never thought Mario, a staple of my childhood, could frustrate me to the point where P says to me "Mom, you can turn it off it you want". At that point I'm so enraged that I come out with a "No I'm good! I just need to kill asshole Bowser!" I'm ensuring she knows how to properly react to video games and hockey games. There is something wrong with you if you don't appreciate screaming obscenities at a TV.

It's gotten to the point where she goes to bed and I continue playing for her. Mainly because my lovely little girl doesn't shut up while I'm trying to kill Bowser and the multiple forms that his minions come in. Playing a game with a kid gripping your arm telling you what to do and dramatically pointing at random things is a recipe for disaster. I mean, I'm doing this for her, so playing better only benefits her...Right?

I'm totally in denial. I'm addicted. I'm just wondering, what will my life become when I beat the game?! Nope, nope, nope. Not ready to face that one yet!